The Journey from Adulting to Marriage
I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind lately: the journey from adulting to marriage. This is a transition I’ve personally gone through over the last 10 years—five years as a bachelor and now almost four and a half years of married life. Looking back, it’s fascinating how life changes simply because you’ve entered a new stage.
Life Before Marriage
Five years before marriage, I was a bachelor in Bangalore—running my own company, taking risks, and building something for myself. But once you reach a certain milestone, according to your parents and society, you’re expected to “settle down.” Society has a set path:
- Study
- Get a good job
- Save for a year or two
- Get married
- Have kids
- Raise your family
It’s a pattern passed down from generations, seen as the definition of a “successful life.” But thanks to the internet, travel, and social exposure, I realized this wasn’t the only path. I chose differently—I built a company and later told my parents I had found someone I wanted to marry. They were supportive, but the expectation to marry immediately was strong.
The People-Pleaser Phase
Before marriage, I was a people pleaser. I said “yes” to everything, avoided conflict, and constantly prioritized others. To my family and extended family, I was the obedient child who never questioned decisions.
But when I started deviating from that path, it was shocking for them. Those shifts—though difficult—were necessary. I was earning, contributing to the family, and doing everything expected, yet when marriage arrived, the dynamics completely changed.
Marriage as a New Equation
I often compare marriage to a math equation.
Before marriage:
A (me) + B (parents/siblings) + C (friends/extended family) = 24 hours
After marriage, a new variable enters the equation:
A (partner) + B (myself) + C (family/siblings) + D (extended family/friends) = 24 hours
The same 24 hours now have to be divided differently. Priorities shift, and naturally, this leads to reactions.
For parents, it may feel like their child is slipping away—less time, fewer conversations, a lower place on the priority list. Some families see this positively: recognizing that the new couple needs time to bond and build trust. But in my observation, 95% take it negatively, feeling replaced or sidelined.
Why Priorities Must Shift
The first few years of marriage are crucial. Two people from different households, with different upbringings, are now living together. Arguments are inevitable. Without space and time to resolve them, small differences can grow into deep divides.
Spending more time with family than with your partner during this stage can harm the bond. That’s why honeymoons exist. That’s why I believe couples should avoid living with parents initially—so they have the space to understand and adjust to each other.
If handled well, this transition strengthens both your relationship with your partner and eventually with your parents. But it takes effort—especially from you—to explain, educate, and reassure your family.
Bridging the Gap with Parents
What helped me was reminding my parents of their own early years of marriage. I’d ask: “What did you want in your first years together?” When they shared, I’d point out how I was doing the same.
This wasn’t about one conversation—it took repeated discussions, sometimes heated, sometimes healthy. Slowly, it helped align perspectives: me with my partner, and me with my parents.
The Critical Transition
This transition—from adulting to marriage—is where many modern marriages falter. Some run away, some avoid the challenge, others accept things without trying to change them. But I believe the early months and years are the foundation of a marriage.
It’s a time to reset expectations, build understanding, and prioritize your partner without guilt. Done right, it can make family bonds even stronger in the long run.
Over to You
That’s my perspective on navigating adulthood into marriage. What do you think? Do you agree that priorities must shift? Or do you believe balance can be maintained without these conflicts? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Pokharnatalks 
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