Growing Up as a People Pleaser
For my whole life, I kind of focused on making other people happy while I was growing up. What meant a lot to me was if any of my actions would make my mother, my father, my grandparents happy. That became a norm because that’s what shaped my childhood, that’s what shaped me.
The activities I chose, the hobbies I pursued, even how I spent my free time—all of it was influenced by what would make others happy. Nobody ever asked me, “What makes you happy?” That question didn’t even exist for me until much later in life, when I moved out of my home and started experiencing the world through other people’s lives.
That’s when I realized: it’s not about what makes other people happy. It’s about what gives you peace of mind, what makes you happy.
The Subtle Influence of Generations
Looking back, I can see how much of this was shaped by my parents’ and grandparents’ way of guiding me. They believed they were giving me choices, but those choices were always influenced by what they wanted.
So I would think I needed something, when in reality, I probably never did. Now, my thought process is very different. The way I approach life—spirituality, humanity, even daily decisions—is no longer shaped by childhood conditioning.
Discovering My Own Happiness
A big shift happened when I started my own company and met new people. Spending time with them, listening to their perspectives, I realized something I had never been exposed to before: your happiness matters too.
I still remember the first time I did something purely for myself. It made others unhappy, and I was consumed by guilt. Therapy and years of reflection helped me work through that guilt. Today, I’d say I’m maybe 80% out of that cycle.
Yes, I still do many things to make others happy—but now, a larger share of my choices are for me. I’ve learned that if I keep myself happy, the people who genuinely care about me will also be happy. And those who don’t? They naturally drift away.
This realization has been liberating, even though it came with guilt cycles, self-doubt, and difficult transitions. But on the other side, I found a new version of myself.
When “Selfish” Becomes a Compliment
When I started prioritizing myself, people began labeling me as selfish. At first, I felt terrible. But over time, I realized: being selfish isn’t bad, as long as it doesn’t hurt others.
If it’s about doing what I want—without causing harm—then being selfish is good. That’s how I live now, and I know some people don’t like it. But I also know that’s because their upbringing was similar to mine. I’ve reinvented myself, and that’s the way I want to live moving forward.
A Question for You
Do you think people pleasers find it difficult to truly live their lives when they step into adulthood? And do you believe there’s a way to reinvent yourself?
I’d love to hear your thoughts—maybe it will help someone else reading this too.
Pokharnatalks 
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